19 June 2008

THE ALLEGED FARM NEWS

Beets, Bok choi, Garlic scapes, Lettuce, Dried hot pepper, Scallions, Strawberries, Lemon balm, Lovage

Operating instruction for The Alleged Farm CSA Share, 2008 model year

 Congratulation on your purchase of a CSA share from The Alleged Farm.  Your choice of this cutting edge produce distribution system proves that you are a discerning vegetable eater.  At The Alleged Farm we share your passion for fresh, local food, and we are confident that your CSA share will bring you weeks of enjoyment and astound your family and friends.  

The Alleged Farm has a long tradition, going all the way back to the first years Christenfelds settled in Washington County, of supplying the finest hand-crafted vegetables to a select group of connoisseurs.  We are proud to maintain the high standards passed down from one generation to itself.  At the same time, we are not content to rest on our kohlrabi.  While we will not forget the principles at the core of our business—plant tasty varieties, complain about the weather, search diligently through the weeds for any crops, begin every recipe with  “sauté some garlic in olive oil” —we work ceaselessly (except for mealtimes and other occasional breaks) to improve our product.  We are particularly excited to unveil our latest model, the 2008 share, brand new for 2008.  Notice the sleek, aerodynamic design and enhanced “green” components. 

We know that you understand vegetables.  Nobody needs to tell you what to do with lovage or how to make a great pasta sauce with garlic scapes.  We won’t bore you with basics.  In order to get as much satisfaction as possible from your share, however, we humbly suggest that you peruse the simple care and handling instruction below.  

1)     We recommend that you consider unwrapping the contents of your share before eating.  You may find that some vegetables have an unpalatable paper or plastic exterior.   Simply remove and discard.

2)     You may wish to wash the produce before preparing it for consumption.  Many of the objects in your share were grown in close proximity to soil due to unavoidable circumstances.  While we do attempt to remove significant quantities of dirt from the vegetables before sending them to you, we do not guarantee that the contents of your share will be clean enough to eat right away (after removal of any paper or plastic wrapping; see #1 above).

3)     Do not be alarmed if your vegetables do not look exactly like the versions you are familiar with. You may find white tomatoes or purple carrots or beets with red and white striped flesh in your share.  These are not odd rejects thrown into the bag for a laugh.  We grow several hundred different varieties, many of which have never been seen in a grocery store and would be chased from the premises if they tried to get in.  

4)     If by chance you do not happen to recognize something in your bag, consult the list at the top of the page to find out what is in the share or read through the newsletter for helpful identifying hints such as “the garlic scapes are the curly things in the plastic bag with the dried hot peppers” or  “the lemon balm and lovage are bunched together; the former has fuzzy leaves and a lemon scent and the latter looks like celery leaves.”

5)     If by chance you do not know what to do with something in the bag, even after removing any paper or plastic, consult the newsletter for mildly helpful hints such as “you can make a simple sauce for pasta, meat or vegetables by cutting the scapes (see #4 above) into pieces and putting them in a blender with about ¼ olive oil, a good amount of salt and pepper, the juice of ½ lemon and some dried hot pepper and pureeing until smooth,” check the internet or just sauté it with olive oil and garlic.

6)     If you do not find a newsletter in your share, go to theallegedfarm.blogspot.com and download a copy.

7)     If you go to your pick up site on delivery day (Thursday) and do not find a share with your newsletter, do not attempt to download it.  Instead, call 692-9065 or e-mail Thomas@theallegedfarm.com to find out what has happened.  If you try to pick up your share late on Friday (or after that) you may well find that it has been given away so that it does not go to waste.

8)     If you wish to switch delivery sites (permanently or temporarily) send an e-mail to me (see #7 above), preferably before the day on which you wish to switch sites.

9)     If on some Thursday you are unable to pick up your share and unable to find someone else to take it—a good vegetable eater is hard to find—let me know (see #8 referring to #7 above) so that it does not go to waste (preferably…etc; see #8 above).

10)  If some of your share goes to waste, do not fret.  Nobody said you have to eat everything.  Actually, my grandmother did.  We had to hide pieces of gristle and bone under our silverware for fear she would force us to swallow it if she saw it on our plates.  But I believe that no scrap left behind only applied to immediate relatives so you can safely pass up on the occasional turnip or cucumber.  If it really bothers you, get a pig or bring your leftovers out to the farm and feed them to our pigs.

11)  Come to the farm.  Not only will this allow you to feed your leftovers to the pig (see #10 above), it will also give you the chance to see where your food actually comes from.  And that’s one of the points of having a CSA share.  Sure, it is nice to get fresh vegetables, some of the recognizable (see #3 and 4 above).  But along with those and a newsletter, The Alleged Farm also delivers (or should deliver; see #6 and 7 above) the opportunity to walk through the fields where your vegetables grow, talk to the people who grow them and maybe even help out with a farm task.  To this end we have several farm visit days during the season, including one this coming Sunday, June 22, from 10 to 2.  We will be offering tours and, for those so inclined, working on a space for the root vegetable washer.  We will provide drinks and snacks. 

12)  Eat well.  I don’t mean eat healthily, though you will if you eat most of what is in your share.  Nor do I mean eat in a way that is good for the earth, though with a sustainably grown CSA share from a local farm you will do that too.   I mean eat tasty food.  I got into farming because I like to eat and I grow all these vegetables in the hope that they will go to people who like to eat. 

Given the nature of nature and of farmers, The Alleged Farm makes no express (or local; see schedule for details) or implied guarantees regarding the nature or quantities of the vegetables in the share.  Nor does The Alleged Farm guarantee that you will like any or all of the vegetables, even kohlrabi (though you ought to).  The Alleged Farm bears no responsibility for any effects you may encounter from ingesting paper or plastic goods used as packing material that you have failed to remove before eating the contents of the share.  As a shareholder, you are solely responsible for the preparation of the vegetables.  Any overcooking of peas and beans is not our fault.  The Alleged Farm will make a good faith effort to produce sunny conditions on farm visit days, but in some cases the weather is beyond our control.  Visitors to the farm are responsible for any muddiness they encounter resulting from such visits.  The Alleged Farmer reserves the right to express any opinions that come to mind late at night in the newsletter even if they have nothing to do with farming or cooking.  All opinions and silliness in the newsletter are solely the responsibility of the farmer.  The crops and pigs had nothing to do with it.   They just wanted to be sure you know that.